


The Look in her Eyes

by KumoriYami



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KumoriYami/pseuds/KumoriYami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and in Hawke’s case they say what she will not speak of at times though they never reveal what weighs her down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Look in her Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I’m working on a longer story right now and I was thinking how I love Hawke and Fenris and somehow ended up writing this. It sorta feels like a companion piece to what im working on right now and it may be, but oh well. im not great with works like this but i hope its okay. enjoys!

At the start of Act 3

\---

 “Donnic tells me you have spoken of children.” Fenris isn’t one to start a conversation, but whenever he’s with Aveline, he at least attempts to make one because Aveline is Haweke’s best friend, but also because he’s friends with her husband (and Donnic owes him money though they would never bring it up around Aveline). He isn’t entirely sure why he’s brought up the subject, but it’s something that has interested him because his friend spoke of it, and because Fenris himself is uncertain about his relationship with Hawke.

 “You two talk too much.” The guardswoman’s eyes roll in slight annoyance though she maintains her smile as they continue walking down the street in Lowtown. Hawke is only a few feet away, making small conversation to Lady Elegant, as she purchases some lyrium potions. He’s not entirely sure if she’s trying to steal at glance at him, but he doesn’t miss the almost forlorn look in her eyes as she looks at him.

 He lets out a soft chuckle as forces himself to turn himself back to conversation, realizing that she probably didn’t want him to see that, but his eyes never fully turn away from Hawke. “I picture a red headed brood, each able to lift a cow.”

 Aveline laughs, and it seems that she hasn’t noticed anything and they continue as Hawke finishes “If you also picture Donnic carrying them to term and pushing them out of his ass, then I'm all for it.”

 He smiles as Hawke rejoins them with a smile on her face, now with more supplies in her satchel, but he isn’t entirely sure if she’s forcing herself to appear happy. He wants to ask what is wrong, but doesn’t. He would do anything for happiness, for he owes so much to her, but he feels like a coward whenever it comes to asking of her troubles for he knows she has many, but has no desire to involve him in any of them despite his insistence, and because they have not spoken of what happened years ago. Still, he does not forget the look in her eyes as she leads them off into the unknown.

\---

The next time he sees a that look in her eyes is after he’s killed Danarius and lets his sister go after betraying him. All he feels is anger upon learning the truth behind his branding, and curses magic for everything that it has touched in his life, including himself. He can tell from the look on Varric’s face that the comment is not uncalled for, but is one better off unsaid. The abomination with them says nothing though his face clearly feels that what he said has gone too far. But Hawke… all she does is says he has her, even with the shallow mask over her face of hurt that he doesn’t seem to notice.

The thought of cursing magic in front of the mage he cares for… no, the one mage he loves desperately and cherishes above all else. The one who he is so frantic to protect and see safe, and to keep from all harm. The one who he owes his freedom and happiness to… The realization that he’s hurt her doesn’t even enter his mind until much later. It doesn’t happen when he reaches for and gives a melancholy smile, and it doesn’t happen when they leave Danarius’ body to rot. It only happens when she visits him at his desolate mansion in Hightown, alone, as always.

Hawke has faithfully visited him nearly week to help him with his reading, but he knows that this visit will be different, before she even walks through the front door, now that he is truly free from the ghosts chasing him from his past. He’s not entirely sure what to do, and even though Isabella, who had dropped by a few minutes, earlier before Hawke’s arrival, offers a place with her in a life on the sea, which he turns down.

The pirate rolls her eyes as she walks past Hawke as she enters the room that she often finds him drinking in. She can tell immediately that he has something to say, and their conversation drifts towards the future, but the hurt in her voice is so obvious when she asks if he’s still blaming magic for everything. He knows it’s a sensitive subject to talk about, especially for Hawke, coming from a family of apostates – especially one from one whose father wished his magic would never touch his children, and he sees that look in her eyes again as he bring up what happened to her mother, to Hawke’s own life, and the fact that there are countless other mages who are too weak to handle their power.

He knows it’s a low blow, so he shakes his head and bring up what is more important: moving forward, though he has no idea where that will lead. When Hawke smiles and admits that she hopes that that future will include her and even forgives his sorry excuse for leaving her before she reaches to kiss him, leaving him beyond all thought and words, though he promises himself to one day ask of the gnawing thought of her sorrows at the back of his mind.

\---

The next time he sees the sadness in her eyes, though that time, it was laced with anger, is right before right they leave Hawke’s estate after defying Knight-Commander Meredith. It baffles him to no end how he had stood ready to defend mages, but he knows that by simply staying by her side, her burden is lessened by him. It was then she told him that she’ll bring him to even stranger places that he almost asks her about that ever-present troubles that weigh her down, it hadn’t been the time, as it is not now as usual, and contents himself with telling her that she was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Hawke is bitter to say in the least, being forced to leave her home, again because of this ridiculous mage-templar conflict. She does however put up an extensive amount of wards with Merril and Ander’s assistance to ensure that no one goes ransacking the estate and to prevent anyone from entering without a special magical key that she’s made and distributed to each of them who are leaving with her. Bodahn and Sandal have already left for Orlais so they don’t need to worry about them, but they are all in no hurry to meet Templar reinforcements that are bound to come, so they bring all they can in supplies, valuables and heirlooms.

Right before they leave, Hawke looks as if she’s holding back fire as she takes the Amell family shield that’s up on the wall before taking it down and handing it to Carver, who only nods as he carefully wraps it up and places it with the rest of their bags. He catches her saying that she never wanted this and prays that her mother understands why she’s doing all of this, in Leandra’s room with tears in her eyes, though her brother, the Warden comforts her and ensures her that what they did at the Gallows was the right thing to do. It’s one of the rare time he sees her cry, before locking the door to her home, which she fears she will never see again.

\---

Nearly a year and a half goes by when all but he have left Hawke’s side. With luck they won’t be travelling anywhere near the disaster that Hawke would rarely speak of that she knew of thanks to her second cousin, whom she was searching for, but only to Carver, Charade, and himself, though she had a feeling that the others suspected.

Aveline and Donnic had been the first to leave as they had new family responsibilities that could not be put aside, though they promised their blades if Hawke ever needed them. Orana, Gamlen and Charade had been left with Aveline with a heartfelt good-bye and promise that Hawke would come back one day in addition to a large sum of money to ensure that they would all be well off for the years to come. It had been sad to see them go, though Charade had even insisted that she come along with her cousin, Hawke had politely turned her down saying that she needed someone to ensure that the rest of the family would be safe as she searched for their other relative.

Carver, who Merril somehow found herself deeply caring for, were the next ones to go, as he had been summoned away for ‘Grey Warden business,’ though they suspected that the Wardens were taking an interest in their search for the missing Hero, and were bound to call on Carver eventually for whatever information he had, for they were still searching for him as well. Anders, had grudgingly went along with them as well seeing that he becoming a danger to himself and others around him, and simply stated that the Wardens would be able to deal with him if it came to it.

Isabella and Varric were the last to go, and it was only because Zevran requested their assistance in a delicate matter. The Crow had apparently pointed King Alistair in their direction for their assistance for something he needed to do in Antiva. Hawke initially wanted to accompany them but Isabella had insisted that she didn’t want to burden her with anything, especially not after getting her a new ship which she was extremely grateful for. The pirate even used the excuse of needing a ‘travelling companion’ to rope Varric along since she had learned of what Hawke was doing (by a complete and unfortunate accident), and understood that she did not want to drag her friends into brewing storm. Thankfully the dwarf was drunk at the time so it was fairly easy to convince him to come along with the opportunity of witnessing a story from accompanying a king.

\---

He almost forgets the sadness he saw in her eyes in one seems like years ago, as they continue their quest. He is ensnared by his happiness of having Hawke to himself, the beauty of her smile and the simple pleasure of holding her hand and standing next to her. It’s only when she collapses when traveling through a tiny village and he hires a doctor to examine her that he sees that look in her eyes again.

He is overcome with all sorts of emotion at once when he eavesdrops on the doctor in Hawke’s room. He knows she’s good at keeping secrets and one of the reasons that she has very few is because she doesn’t lie to him, so he goes against her plea for him not to listen. He’s not sure if he should be angry or upset with her for not telling him, or be happy with the new revelation. He knows he’s not one for words and questions, but after the doctor leaves, and he enters the room, he finds that he cannot say anything as he sees Hawke, tears on her cheeks, and sobbing on her bed. He sits next to her and finds her arms around him as she softly whispers that she’s sorry into his ears though he has no idea why she’s apologizing.

She sounds like she’s mourning and it breaks his heart to listen, but he knows he must. He owes that much to her, though he does finally ask. Her explanation is simple yet cruel in some ways and he knows that part of her views are owed to her own experiences and to the angry thoughtless remarks he has made of magic. When she speaks, he can tell how her shoulders seem to be lessened by its burden, but at the same time he feels a twisting in his gut because he is powerless to take back his words and is just as powerless to protect them from the way the world is moving.

She begins with how a likely it has been for a child in her family to be born with magic. How her father never wanted her to inherit his abilities and her fear that their child will inherit hers. The way she had no control of accepting magic which so many viewed as a gift and curse at the same time. The countless times that her family had to run to escape Templar vigilance at the same time as understanding their pursuers’ reasoning. How often he spoke of mages turning to demons and how magic has stained his life and very soul, and how nothing has escaped from being ruined when touched by magic. It feels like a cold blade being thrust into him when she speaks of his views, but it gets worse when she says she feels she has no right to subject a child to all of this, especially with a mage-templar war looming over the horizon that she’s already been involved in, and almost wishes that child of theirs never came to be.

He’s not sure if it helps but once she finishes he shakes his head and thanks her for always being there for him and that he is glad that he will have more than just Hawke as family, and how thankful he is for the prospect of being a father which seems to bring a sad smile to her face. He does this before apologizing for everything and promising that he will do his best to protect Hawke and their unborn child from all that he can, and that he will do his best to not speak so harshly of magic in the future.

She laughs as he awkwardly moves his fingers tentatively touch warm belly before declaring that that he will remain at _both_ of their sides in the future, no matter how strange it may become. He watches her with the diligence of a wolf guarding those that are his as he sees her eyes dart away in embarrassment at his declaration and can only smile before pulling her back into a kiss. She tastes sweet as always, and although the saltiness of her tears stings, it’s the first time in a long while that he can see the hope in her eyes that they’ll get through whatever comes their way as a family, regardless of what the future holds.

**Author's Note:**

> i seriously want to play Inquisition!!!


End file.
